Monday, March 2, 2009

More on That

So, yeah, it's now official. Ben will be leaving us for another deployment before the year is up, thanks to Stop Loss.

I have been perpetually nauseous since hearing this, and having lots of flashbacks. It's rough being so sad already, when we still have 6 months together! I feel like I'm totally wasting the time. :( But, seriously, it was a traumatic and psychologically scarring thing to have the Love of my life leave me and our 3-month old daughter for 15 months to a war zone. I struggled every single day of that deployment.....I remember having days where I would just gaze at the clock, wishing I could sleep the day away so it would be tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow again, and Ben would be home sooner. In fact, I did do that a lot. I frequently went back to bed during Violet's morning nap, and slept away the mornings, just to shorten the day.

Now that he's been home 8 months, I find I have very few memories of Violet's babyhood. I don't know whether it was just a very uneventful time (she was such a good baby), or I have blocked it as one of those "too painful to recall" times. Of course, there's still the flashbacks, where I'll get that sickening heaviness in the pit of my stomach when thinking about having to relive all that moving, changing, watching Violet growing up.........all alone. *sigh*

As far as logistics go, Ben will be moving us back to Virginia to a rental home in order for me to start up a piano studio. We want to settle in the Shenendoah Valley area, anyhow, so having a clientelle formed by the time he gets home in 2010 will enable him to go right to school on the G.I. bill. So, that part of it is a blessing. We were very unsure about finances/job/career, but with another year's worth of saving up, plus a studio already formed, we should do just fine. I am grateful for that.

Guys, I want to beg you for your prayers. More than anything, Ben & I want to glorify the Lord in this hardship. We understand our roles as ambassadors for Christ.....even Living Sacrifices, set afire for the world to gaze on and glorify Him. We have submitted ourselves to this cause, and rejoice in this suffering. That's in bold and italicized to emphasize to you how determination is driving us towards this end, rather than an upwelling of Joy in our hearts. We're more dedicated to it than we are loving it right now. However, I am confident that when one acts in obedience to God, He supplies the Joy later. More than anything, this deployment, we are both looking to experience JOY. The kind that came upon the imprisoned disciples when they obediently sang hymns while fettered in a dungeon.

Please pray this for us:

"Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed. "

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