Just 6 short months ago, I welcomed my husband into our new home, after having given birth to our 2nd child, moved cross-country, and said Hello Again to the military. We (mercifully) found a wonderful church immediately, settled into a routine, and new school schedule (Ben is home a lot), had our first Christmas here, and.....promptly began talking about moving and changing jobs.
The military offers us certain paychecks and certain deployments. Getting out gives us Uncertainty. It may provide freedom to decide on a job that both satisfies & provides. It may not promise us proximity to our family, but it will definitely give us more time as a family. No other job outside the military demands 12-15 months of family separation. BUT, this "other job" may not exist. We may never find it...the Recession might keep jobs, money, and housing (not to mention a church & good community) from us for....who knows how long?
We have a conversation about Options almost every day. One day we'll feel we're leaning towards re-enlisting, the next we'll feel comfortable about even Poverty outside the military--"as long as we're together."
In the mean-time, we take our lives one day at a time here. We enjoy our church family, invite people over, talk about our friendships, and I continue advertising for the studio. I think privately, we both know in our hearts that we'll not be able to predict what we're going to do in 12 months, when our ETS date strikes. The piano students may or may not come....the job we're hoping for may or may not present itself on the east coast. We may or may not have to tell our friends here Goodbye. AGAIN. But the long talks we had will come as a comfort to us later, once we've made our decision. "Well, we did talk about it a LOT. We did the best we could," we'll tell ourselves.
It's difficult to have these conversations about the future. I fight with the reality of letting go of our little community we're rooting into right now. I want to watch my friends' children grow up. I want to become accustomed to Thursday night rehearsals, Wednesday night home group, and Tuesday teaching. I REALLY don't want to move again.
But I miss my friends on the east coast, too. And my family.
Even if we move to Virginia, it might not last. If Ben pursues a job with the F.B.I., they might move us anywhere in the CONUS for his first assignment. Two years, we will have spent in Va. with our family, finishing up school.
So, like I said. It's one day at a time. I hosted a Valentine's party this past Monday. It was exciting meeting new friends, seeing old ones, and getting to know their kids (again). I pushed aside the thoughts (as always) of how temporary these relationships are....and pretended for a bit......that this was our Home.
I guess, (as always) I am longing for Heaven, when all my relationships are eternal, and everyone I love will always be present.