My health is in pretty shabby condition, too, which makes it just horribly impossible to have a cheerful attitude for my husband by the time he gets home from work. I sometimes feel like I have completely lost myself to FMS and the Army. My ideals as a wife and parent and Christian are just daily blown into crazy little bits like a leaf blower does to fall leaves.
God is teaching me to rely completely on Him, I know....for mental health, for happiness, for a sense of fulfillment, for success as a parent.....all those things I crave. God wants me to replace them with Just Him.
Samuel Morris prayed a prayer that I have printed out and framed in our office:
Lord, take the earthly things from my heart
and put in their place your Holy Spirit
so that I can neither think nor speak
anything but the Holy Ghost.
I have come to realize that even the things that I think are so good, so right, are also earthly. Family, Marriage, Friendships, Lifestyle, Parenting....these are the hardest to give up.
Another good one, courtesy of Chris Robinson:
Lord, you are more precious than True Friends
Lord, you are more costly than Time,
Lord, you are more beautiful than Family,
and all that I desire is found in You.
As always, it is hardest to give up my husband and daughter, the precious family that is all mine, that I waited and hoped for for so long.
But God--Who made them--is more satisfying. He says. ..........I believe.