Friday, February 25, 2011

Life. (and Death)

Well, my Grandmother passed away on my birthday. She was "not responding" in the last hours, and my parents and sister were there with her, and called me to talk to her. I was told she responded to my voice, and Violet's voice by starting to breath more quickly (more than 10x per minute), and her pulse went up, also. I was glad to have one last chance to let her know I love her. I can't imagine how she is right now....outside of Time and Age......somewhere in the presence of Jesus, feeling fresh and fast and limber.

Her life was a sweet fragrance. Her presence was never often enough....and always, always a complete delight. I can't say this about many people I've known in my life, but I never knew her to cause discomfort or grief to anyone. She was a completely gracious and tenderhearted woman. As I said in my last post, I'll never be able to say enough about her, and the Rich Blessing she was.

All my piano lessons were paid for by her, all my life. Then when I went on to receive teacher training, it was all funded by her, as well. I owe all that to her.

I can't help but to be warmed by the significance of her leaving on my birthday. I'm honored. We had one final celebration, then on to Heaven. (But I wish I could have been there)

Sadly, I spent many hours yesterday and today trying to find a way to make it to the funeral, then heard the disheartening news that it had been moved a day earlier, Saturday at 2. I am not going to be able to make it. I can't leave Grace, and I can't take her on an all-night flight. :(

Today and tomorrow are going to be hard. I already am experiencing regret at having decided not to go. I really, really want to be there. I really want to honor her memory. I want to see the faces of her family, and mourn & celebrate with them. I want to play for her thank her, in that way.....for all my talent is because of her generous heart. And she loved to hear me play.


Still, I know she'd want me to stay home, and not try to brave the airports & weather and do all that driving just to make it there in time for her funeral. She hated risk. ;) She worried a lot about our safety while traveling.

I guess this is just Life.....interrupting and being annoying......even in the face of Death. I just have to sit at home and twiddle my thumbs and get on with my life. She's gone from here, now.....and I'm sure it doesn't make a difference to her whether I'm here or in Virginia during her funeral. But I now have another thing to grieve.


Diane said...

Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful lady and as a grandma myself, I would agree with you that she wouldn't want you to go out in this weather - especially with a little baby...I'm happy you had a chance to talk to her before she went to heaven. You honor her each time you share your musical gifts - I bet she can still hear you playing :)

Joy said...

Your grandma sounds like she had (has) a beautiful heart! I am so sorry she's gone, Susi. It is good you spoke with her before she went Home. What a special bond, though, to have her gone on your birthday. But I know it'll be hard too. I love my Grandma dearly and am not looking forward to the day she leaves me. Prayers your way~